Writing

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

The bad news (draft 1)

John was eating dinner when the telephone rang. He heard his sisters voice trembled with endlessly weep and wail. He started to ask that what’s wrong with her. She told of their parents calamity in the plane . The outlaw hijacked the plane which their parents took. They compelled plane and passengers dropped in the Africa. However their parents still whereabouts unknown.

4 Comments:

Blogger 飛奇 said...

標題可不可以放到上面去...??
He heard his sisters voice trembled with endlessly weep and wail.
sisters要加一撇'→「sisters'」

7:56 PM  
Blogger :V,瀞 ”婷* said...

我覺得不要用he (started) to as that...
就he asked his sisters that what's wrong with her.

She (told of) their parents calamity ...
蝦咪是told of ?
你要說的是told to嗎??
calamity in the plane改成air disaster

8:19 PM  
Blogger 郭包子 said...

his sister不用加s 啊…我知道了!你一定是忘了打'→這個對不對?

He started to ask ...不必加start吧

8:38 PM  
Blogger gimliong said...

Attention!!!

Where is your draft 1 ?
Is this draft 2 or draft 1 ?


Pleasae tell me what it is all about, or you get no scores in this.

9:14 PM  

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